Roger and Delia Cook Dinner Together
(February 1976)

(Delia arrives at the hospital for Frank's physical therapy session, only to find Frank talking to Jill about Faith's kidnapping. The doctor comes out to tell Frank she's ready for him, leaving Delia and Jill alone together. Delia suggests to Jill that Faith has staged the whole kidnapping to get Pat's attention; the way Delia sees it, Faith is just the latest Coleridge sister to have been dumped by a Ryan. Not that Jill and Delia really needed a catalyst anyway, this topic of conversation quickly leads to a screaming match, right in the middle of the hallway. Roger sees them and comes over.)

ROGER: Hey, would you sshhh? This is a hospital remember?

DELIA: (smiling innocently) Hi, Roger.

ROGER: Now what's the trouble? Something I can do to help?

JILL: Well, you certainly can try. She's all yours.

(Jill walks away.)

ROGER: Well, it's my favorite luncheon companion.

DELIA: Is it?


DELIA: (smiles) Good. (turns away) It's very hard for me to be nice to Jill.

ROGER: (going over to her) Delia, I can understand that.

DELIA: Can you? Can you really?

ROGER: Jill's my sister and I care about her, but she's caused you a lot of pain.

DELIA: (smiles) Oh, it's so nice that someone else sees that. See, everybody thinks that everybody should be buddies and they should be polite and very sophisticated and charming. Well, see, I'm not that kind of person. I have to say what I think. See, I'm honest in that way. What I feel just comes out.

ROGER: That's a good way to be. You're all upfront.

DELIA: (laughs) Yeah, that's what I am, I'm all upfront.

ROGER: Well, what was it you said that got Jill so angry?

DELIA: (sighs, throws her hands up) Oh, she's making a federal case about Faith, like it was a matter of life or death.

ROGER: (taking her coat) Well, actually, Delia, you know it all can be very serious.

DELIA: I think she's just crying about Pat and she's gone someplace and she's just trying to get his attention.

ROGER: Well, I hope so. But you know there's been a lot of ominous evidence to the contrary.

DELIA: Like what?

ROGER: Alright, for one thing, she just vanished. One minute she was ready to get in the car and drive out to the beach house and do exactly what you just said.

DELIA: Mmm-hmm. I know.

ROGER: The next minute, she was nowhere to be found. And for weeks she's been bothered by phone calls and weird notes and letters. She lost her keys! Or they were stolen. And she went to see your brother about it.

DELIA: See Bobby didn't even tell me that! Look, I hope Faith is okay. I would never make a joke about that if I knew, you know that!

ROGER: Well listen, no harm done. You just didn't know about it, that's all.

DELIA: Well some of it. You see, if Jill explained it to me the way you're explaining it to me, maybe I would have understood. I guess she feels I'm not worth it, she feels I'm not worth wasting her time. I mean, everybody must say, "Don't tell Dee, you're just wasting your breath!" (sitting down) So what they do is they just ignore me, and they figure if they ignore me enough, I'll just go away. And then when I don't know something, they think it's cause I'm dumb. You see, I'm not dumb, though! It's just that I have to be told. I think I'm pretty quick on the uptake.

ROGER: Well, I think you are.

DELIA: Do you? Thank you. You know, you're nice, and it's very hard for me to believe that you're Jill's brother.

ROGER: (laughs) Oh, really?

DELIA: Well because you're warm and you're patient and Jill's a cold fish.

ROGER: Well maybe if you tried to get to know her better...

DELIA: I don't want to try to get to know her better!

ROGER: (laughs) Okay!

DELIA: Are you laughing at me?

ROGER: No. No, I think you're charming.

DELIA: (angrily) Why, because I don't want to get to know her better?

ROGER: Because you're all there. You don't try to hide anything. You are what you seem to be and that's a very rare quality.

DELIA: (smiles) Well, do you hide things?

ROGER: Sure do.

DELIA: (grins) Are you hiding something right now?

ROGER: (laughs) Got about a week to find out?

DELIA: Yeah, I've got a lot of time. See, I'd like to get to know you better. I...I'd like to have you as a close friend.

ROGER: (smiles) I'd like to have you as a close friend.

DELIA: (smiles) Poof, we're friends!

ROGER: Uh, listen, tell me, have you had a chance to pursue your interest in Chinese cooking since we had lunch?

DELIA: No, no, I really haven't had much of a chance. You see, uhh, oh thank you, thank you for taking me to lunch, because I don't get out very often and I haven't had lunch or dinner in...oh, I don't know how many months.

ROGER: Oh, Frank's pretty busy?

DELIA: Yeah, he's very busy, and see we're not living at home and I don't have a kitchen that I can call my own so no Chinese cooking. (smiles)

ROGER: Well, uh, I have a kitchen. And I'm an expert with a wok. In fact, I'm probably one of Riverside's premier Chinese chefs.

DELIA: (laughing) Oh, an expert. Oh, go on!

ROGER: No, no, really. Really. It's one of the few things I feel I can really brag about.

DELIA: (grins) I think you'll have to prove that to me.

ROGER: Well, okay. When?

DELIA: (smiling) Are you inviting me to dinner? Are you really?

ROGER: Well, yes. You challenged me and I'm taking you up on it. Is there any way you can get free in the evenings?

DELIA: I'm not sure.

ROGER: Well, listen, I make a wonderful sweet and sour pork, and a very exciting fried rice.

DELIA: Well as a matter of fact, Frank is working very late tonight and I think I'm completely free.

ROGER: That's great! Well, how about my place, about seven?

DELIA: You really mean it?

ROGER: (laughs) Yes.

DELIA: (playfully) Well, I don't know if I should go to your house all alone. I mean I don't think it would be right for me to go to your apartment, all by myself.

ROGER: I understand completely, but you can't confuse the fact that all we're having is an innocent Chinese dinner.

DELIA: (thinks, then smiles) Right.

ROGER: Of course, if there's really anything innocent about a delicious Chinese dinner...

(They laugh.)

ROGER: I'll get all my expert equipment...

DELIA: Okay.

ROGER: ...and take it to my father's house, and we'll cook in the kitchen. Dad won't mind, and there's certainly nothing more innocent or socially acceptable than sweet and sour pork in my ancestral kitchen. Will you come?

DELIA: (smiling) Yes, yes I will.

ROGER: (smiles) Great, great, it's gonna be fun.

DELIA: Yes, it is gonna be fun.

ROGER: Well, ah, seven o'clock? And by 8:30, you'll have eaten your words.

DELIA: And your pork.

(They laugh, he walks away, and she goes to look in on Frank's physical therapy but is clearly distracted.)

(In the next scene, Roger and Delia are cooking.)

DELIA: Okay. I added the pineapple juice and the ketchup and all the other stuff. Now what?

ROGER: Okay, now we need a half cup of onions sliced and a full cup of green peppers chunked.

DELIA: (hands him a bowl) Coming up, sir.

DELIA: (starts slicing) Now usually, I hate cutting and slicing because it always takes so long, but it's a lot of fun when you have company.

ROGER: (smiles) You know, I was just thinking the same thing myself.

DELIA: This is terrific, really. This knife is so sharp!

ROGER: Well, dull knives are very dangerous and once a week, no matter what I'm doing, I sharpen everything I can get my hands on.

DELIA: Well you are very organized. I love it, I love it, this is a great kitchen. I like to cook in here, it's wonderful.

ROGER: Dad enjoys cooking and Faith and I became very competitive, and we all have our own specialties.

DELIA: (grins) I'll bet you do. (laughs nervously) Ah, any news about Faith?

ROGER: Yes, as a matter of fact, there was. Dad called right after I saw you in the hospital. Seems that he found a note under the door this morning.

DELIA: Apparently so.

ROGER: She said that she's fine and not to look for her.

DELIA: Then everything's okay.

ROGER: I don't know, the handwriting seems strange, and it just doesn't make any sense when you think about it. I mean, why write an odd little note? Why not call? (shrugs) Well, anyway, Dad's on his way to see Bob.

DELIA: You know, Roger, I have a feeling that everything's going to be alright.

ROGER: I'm very interested in hearing why you're so sure.

DELIA: See, bad things don't ever happen to people like Faith. Look, I know, that might sound childish, but it's true, because Faith's always been surrounded by good things. You know, when I was young, I used to look at Faith, and she'd always come to school in pretty sweaters, and I wondered what it was like to have a father who gave you everything.

ROGER: Well, what she was actually like was compulsive and shy and surrounded by good books and, I think, fairly little else.

DELIA: (laughs) I've known you for such a long time and I really don't know you. I think the only one in the Coleridge family I do know is Jill. You know, I was very wrong about you.

ROGER: Well I'm certainly glad we corrected our original opinions about each other.

DELIA: You didn't like me.

ROGER: Oh, no, I didn't say that. I said I didn't know you. I'm constantly amazed by the difference between what people seem to be and what they actually are.

DELIA: Well what do I seem to be? What do I appear to be, hmm?

ROGER: Honestly?

DELIA: Honestly. (laughs) I love honesty.

ROGER: Alright: Frank's beautiful, baby doll wife, with a child-like enthusiasm for his political career. A little vague, and a little helpless.

DELIA: (defensive) Now look at me, do I look helpless?

ROGER: No, you're not helpless, you're not vague, and you're not child-like! (laughs) And you certainly don't have a great deal of enthusiasm about Frank's political career.

DELIA: (laughs) Oh, Roger, you're funny. Oh, you're right. You know, look at Frank. I mean, look at the way everybody thinks about him.

ROGER: (pouring her a glass of wine) Well, Frank's a perfect example of what I mean. Now all Frank would have to do is flash his famous grin and the Ryan family and half of Riverside would follow him down to the river like a bunch of lemmings, and look at all the people he's hurt and exploited along the way: his family, Jill, his sister, you, me...

DELIA: So here we are, both of us, and we're out in the cold, and nobody seems to be talking to us, and Frank is king of the world on the city council.

ROGER: And to top it all off, look who saved his seat for him.

DELIA: (sadly) Me.

ROGER: Exactly.

DELIA: (laughs) Thank you.

ROGER: You're quite welcome - for what?

DELIA: Because sometimes I feel like I'm really going crazy! And it's nice to know that someone understands, you know?

ROGER: Yes. Yes I do.

(He touches her face.)

More Scene Transcripts

Back to Ryan's Bar Online